


If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?

by fabulous_but_evil



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brainwashing, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Conditioning, Dissociation, Don't Judge Me, Drug Use, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Everything Hurts, Father/Son Incest, Forgive Me, Gen, Hurt Armitage Hux, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Incest, M/M, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Medical Inaccuracies, Mental Coercion, Mental Health Issues, Mind Manipulation, No Romance, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Non-Linear Narrative, Parent/Child Incest, Past Brainwashing, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Drugs, Therapy, Truth Serum, Underage - Freeform, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-06 01:14:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18840628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulous_but_evil/pseuds/fabulous_but_evil
Summary: There are things neither Armitage nor Hux remember.





	If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Remember Everything](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17352542) by [fabulous_but_evil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulous_but_evil/pseuds/fabulous_but_evil). 



> Hux tends to dissociate himself from his childhood self, his memories and his trauma because his father kept abusing him long into Hux's adult life, and his experiences with that trauma differ hugely from his childhood experiences.  
> He thinks of his childhood self, who thinks what he and his father did together was consensual as "Armitage". He eventually has to face the fact that it wasn't, but thinks of his younger self, that still remembers how the abuse started, as "Armie".

 

> _"No" is a dirty word_  
>  _Never gonna say it first_  
>  _"No" is just a thought that never crosses my mind_
> 
> S.E.X. - Nickelback

There are things neither Armitage nor Hux remember. The thing is, Dr. Phasma doesn't dare trying hypnosis with him, so she has to try something else.

*

She's cleared her schedule for the entire day, simply because Amobarbital takes some time to take effect, and because you never know how long it will take to bring a patient to talk about the subjects that matter, and than there's still the necessity of aftercare.

*

"Did you ever tell you're father no when he touched you?"  
"Yes."  
"What happened when you said that?"  
"He... uhm... he hit me... And did it either way. It hurt so much... I...," he hiccupped, already close to sobbing, "He told me it was my fault because I tried denying him what belonged to him, I..."  
She lets him cry for an entire hour, wraps him into a blanket and lets him sleep the drug out on the couch.

*

"I remember now," Armitage tells her the next morning. "He... used to be very... mean to me when I said no... And he was very... kind to me when I let him... do these things to me... He bought me candy and stuffed animals... He made me feel so good..."  
Phasma tried very hard not to wince at that. She simply cannot fanthom how an adult could possibly make the child they're violating feel _good_.  
"Your father conditioned yourself to always say _yes_. It's not your fault these things happened to you, it's all on him..."  
She keeps talking for quite some time, but she can see Hux has stopped listening, so she stops listening to her words, too, desperately trying to follow her patient to where his mind has strayed again; to a place somewhere between happy childhood memories of _Armie and Daddy_ and the undeniable knowledge that Brendol Hux was a child rapist, and a monster.

**Author's Note:**

> I am neither a pschiatrist, nor do I have PTSD myself, so should I be getting anything terribly wrong, feel free to tell me. The only research I did for this was about Amobarbital and I didn't even find out if it could really be used for therapeutic reasons.


End file.
